


Anamnesis

by avengersandchill



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers Family, Domestic Avengers, Fluff, Gen, HYDRA sucks, Nightmares, Temporary Amnesia, oh clint, what a idiot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-14
Updated: 2017-08-14
Packaged: 2018-12-15 11:10:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 7,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11804805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/avengersandchill/pseuds/avengersandchill
Summary: Imagine a villain getting injured and losing their memory and the heroes finding them and taking them with them and taking care of them and the villain gets their memory back after like a week but doesn’t want to say anything because the heroes are being so nice to them and nobody has been that nice to them in so long and they don’t want it to end and they’re maybe getting fond of the heroes but don’t tell anyone shhh. But eventually something happens and the heroes are in trouble and they’re trying to get the villain to run away because they still think they’re an amnesiac with no idea how to defend themself and they’ve grown to like them and don’t want them to get hurt but the villain just pushes past them toward whatever is trying to hurt the heroes and just fuckin goes guns blazing and destroys themOriginally posted: April 29th, 2016





	1. Chapter One

Your (e/c) eyes scanned the base for any sign of your targets. Your mission? To eradicate the Avengers, one Captain America in particular. Your superiors expected you to succeed where your predecessor had failed. In your earpiece, you heard an agent call in a sighting. The Avengers were coming. You readjusted the mask that covered the lower half of your face and placed your thick black glasses over your eyes before readying your weapon.

Your instructions were simple. Take out as many S.H.I.E.L.D. agents as you could with your rifle then take out the Avengers up close and personal. As soon as you saw the first agents running up the hill, you took your shot. You didn’t have to look to know the agent was dead. You never missed your target. You fired shot after shot and the agents kept coming. Your colleagues continued to fire as you ran out of ammunition.

You threw your rifle to the side before grabbing your handguns and launching yourself from the window. The snow on the ground was stained red with the blood of both S.H.I.E.L.D. and HYDRA agents. You pulled the triggers again and again until your intended targets came into view. As your guns ran out of bullets, you threw them into the crimson snow and reached for your next weapon. Your knife. Up close, personal.

The first Avenger you got close to was Romanoff. She had apparently used all her ammo as well since she immediately went for your legs. You jumped over her kick and jabbed at her with your knife hand. From the corner of your eye, you saw her leg coming toward your stomach. You caught her leg just before she made contact and stabbed her thigh with your knife, causing the redhead to curse in pain. You used the hilt of the knife to knock her out and moved on to your next target.

You heard his arrow coming before you saw it and moved out of the way. You threw your knife at the man and got him in the arm, but before you could make your way over to finish the job, you were tackled to the ground by none other than Captain America himself. Your glasses fell from your face and you glared at the super soldier.

“Stay down, kid,” he threatened, tightening his grip on your wrists. You swept his feet out from under him before getting up and reaching for your other knife in your boot. He blocked your first blow with his shield but left himself opened for you to get close enough to wrap your arms around his throat. He tried to throw you off, but you held fast. That is until you were suddenly pulled off him, and you were flying in the sky.

You looked up and saw that you were being held up by Iron Man. He was flying a good twenty feet above the ground toward the base. You quickly used the taser that you had hidden in your glove to stun the hero, causing him to drop you to the ground. You landed right in front of the base and thought you were lucky, but in this case, what you didn’t know did hurt you.

You felt yourself suddenly blasted backward as the base exploded. The shock from the blast sent you hurdling toward Captain America. Your body hit the vibranium at full force, with your head hitting first. The last thing you saw before you lost consciousness was the blurred face of the Captain standing over you.

* * *

Steve looked up from your body to see the HYDRA base now in flames. He was so close that he felt the heat surrounding him like a blanket. He weighed his options on what to do with you. His mission was never to kill. He only did so when necessary. He could either leave you or bring you to the Avengers Tower for questioning, which wasn’t always the best option with the type of torture methods the government holds.

A sudden explosion from inside the building reminded Steve that more likely HYDRA would think that their asset was dead, so if he left you, it would be more like leaving you there to die. Steve looked down at you again, this time with detailed observation. This was the first time that he got to see you without your mask. There was no SHIELD record of you, but the Avengers have encountered you before in earlier missions.

Steve noticed you were just a young adult. Your face was relaxed, not holding the usual tense features that clouded your face. Like he said earlier, you were just a kid. More likely, you didn’t know anything but HYDRA. With that in mind, he placed his shield on his back before picking you up bridal style and walking back to the quinjet.

The quinjet was a mile away from the HYDRA base for protocol reasons, which gave Steve to really think if he was making the best decision. As time passed, he was coming up with the conclusion that bringing you to SHIELD would be the best option for you right now.

Steve walked onto the quinjet to see Clint stitching Natasha’s leg up. Clint already had his stab wound wrapped, his blood staining the white clothing. Tony was observing his helmet, rubbing the newfound dent on it. All eyes were on him as Steve entered the room with you in his arms.

“Whatcha you got there Steve?” Clint wondered with questioning eyes, before returning to his task at hand.

“Is that the asset?” Natasha asked before Steve could answer.

Steve nodded. He said, “The explosion knocked her off of her feet, and she hit her head on my shield.”

“And you decided to bring the assassin who’s been trying to kill us for the past few months just because?” Clint remarked, finishing off Natasha’s leg.

Steve gave Clint a look before setting you down on one of the gurneys. He should be the one to talk. Clint was the one who brought in not just one Russian assassin but two HYDRA mutants as well. Steve informed, “Is was that or leave her out there to die.” Steve handcuffed you to the gurney, not knowing when you would come to it.

“She won’t be that helpful when we put her in questioning. She’s been in HYDRA her whole life, so she’s been trained,” Natasha said, jumping down from her seat to observe you herself.

“I trust your guys’ judgement by now,” Tony stated with a dismissive wave of a hand. “Twenty minutes ‘til we land.” 

* * *

Once the quinjet landed, you and the other four Avengers walked to the medical bay, part of mission protocol. Once Natasha, Clint, Steve, and Tony were all cleared, they joined you in your medical room.

The doctors already had you hooked up to a IV, and you were left in a black tank top and leggings, which was supposedly under your tactical gear. You laid underneath the hospital bed covers. You looked so innocent and young, not the assassin who managed to take down four Avengers. Surprisingly, you weren’t handcuffed or restricted.

“FRIDAY, give me the diagnostics,” Tony commanded, walking over to your side to read the clipboard left on the table.

FRIDAY explained, “The head trauma knocked her out. She won’t be up for next 24 hours at the least. That and the anesthesia should help.”

“That explains the lack of security on her,” Natasha added.

“No major injuries on her. She’s pretty lucky with how hard she hit Cap’s shield. There is a chance of amnesia, but we won’t know for sure until she wakes up,” Tony informed, reading off the clipboard.

“What are we going to do with her? The classic bring-an-assassin-off-the-streets protocol?” Clint joked, tightening his bandage on his arm.

“We have been doing that a lot lately,” Tony added, placing the clipboard down.

“I don’t know,” Steve said with a sigh. “The girl was born and raised in the hands of HYDRA. She doesn’t know any better.”

“Let’s just hope we don’t make the wrong choice,” Tony stated. “because-”

Tony stopped short when you started shuffling. They watched in silence as you rolled to your side, not expecting you to wake up yet. You tried to hug your pillow when your IV caught you. They watched you slowly open your eyes, fully alert if you decide to attack.

When your eyes landed on them, they tensed. But their stature abruptly changed when they realized how lost you looked. You looked like a scared animal. You sat up from your bed and asked, “Where am I?”

They drew a blank for this was the first time they heard you speak. Your voice was so gentle, so pure. Not at all what they expected from you,  _and_  you had amnesia. This was going to be interesting.


	2. Chapter Two

You woke up in serene comfort, feeling the soft, cotton sheets you laid in. You smiled and released a long exhale, not remembering the last time you had this kind of treatment. You turned to your side and hugged your pillow, not wanting to wake up from well-needed sleep. But stopped when you felt your arm tangled in a wire. It was then you heard the faint sound of a heart monitor.

You slowly opened your eyes, letting them adjust to the natural brightness of the room. You blinked a few times before gaining focus of the room you laid in. You shot up from your bed when you realized you weren’t alone. Four other people stood in the room, watching you. They were wearing shocked expressions on their faces, as if they didn’t expect you to be in the room, but their alert stances said otherwise.

You looked around the room to see that you were in a medical bay. Your eyes snapped into the direction of the people, looking for an explanation. They just stood there in silence, watching your every move.

“Where am I?” you asked with a scared voice. Sadness clouded your features, as you felt a burning sensation at the bridge of your nose and tears flooded your eyes. Their eyes seemed to widen at your question, or maybe your voice. You only just met these people, or maybe you haven’t.

One of the men answered with a stern voice, “The Avengers Tower.” His answer only ended up in more confusion.

 _What are the Avengers? Who are these people? Who am I? What am I doing here?_ , you thought. These are only a few of the many questions racing in your mind. They must have noticed your confusion, because someone asked, “What was the last thing you remembered?”

You looked down at your hands, trying to recollect anything from your past. It was a simple question really, so why couldn’t you answer it? Your mind drew up a blank. “I-I don’t remember,” you stammered. Looking back at them, you asked, “Why can’t I remember?”

“We will answer that later,” a man responded. “I’m Clint. Can you tell me your name, sweetheart?”

Another simple question that your mind drew a blank to. “I don’t know,” you said, your hands fiddling with the sheets of the bed. “I can’t even remember my own name.” The thing is is that they didn’t know your name either. They only knew you by the name Asset.

“Well, you got to have a name. I’m Tony, by the way. That’s Steve and Natasha,” Tony introduced, pointing to the other two in the room. “What do you want us to call you?”

You thought about it, thinking off all the names you knew. “Y/N,” you stated simply.

“Okay, Y/N,” Tony said. “To answer your previous question, it looks like you got amnesia from… an accident that happened just hours ago.”

Your hand instinctively raised to your forehead, feeling a tinge of pain. You winced a bit. You were about to ask what kind of accident they were talking about but quickly closed your mouth.

“Are you sure you don’t remember anything?” Steve asked, as if he didn’t believe that you had amnesia.

“No… Can I go home?” you asked with hesitance. You didn’t know if you even had a home, but you wanted to get out of this medical bay.

Steve answered, “As of right now, you can’t do that. You’ll be staying at the Avengers Tower until further notice.”

Your lip quivered. “Okay,” you murmured.

“But you’re not stuck in this room,” Tony added. “You can stay in one of the private suites. Would you like to go now?”

You nodded before pulling the covers off of you. You followed Tony down the hall, leaving Nat, Clint, and Steve in the medical bay.

“Do you think that act was real?” Natasha asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

Steve answered, “Doesn’t matter what I believe in, as long as it’s the truth. FRIDAY, analysis on Ms. Y/N.”

“Seems that she has retrograde amnesia. MRI scan shows that she has severe damage on the medial temporal lobe,” the AI explained.

Steve asked, “How long?”

“Unknown. The minimum, 5 days,” the AI informed.

“Well,” Clint started. “We have 5 days to decide what we are going to do with her. For now, we can keep her under constant surveillance.”

Steve and Natasha nodded in response, before all three of them left the room for some well-deserved sleep.


	3. Chapter Three

**  
**“Favorite color?” Natasha asked before eating another spoonful of her strawberry yogurt. **  
**

Your lips twisted in concentration. “F/C,” you answered, unconsciously wiggling your foot as you thought of a question to ask Natasha. You guys were playing 21 Questions in order to get to know each other, or in your case, you were getting to know yourself and Natasha. “Favorite genre of movies?” you asked, hooking your feet around the chairs’ legs.

“Horror/Mystery movies,” Natasha said. “I like the satisfaction of guessing the plot twist before it happens.”

You hummed in response as you ate your yogurt, loving how easy it was to talk with Natasha. At first, you guys didn’t speak to each other at all, but then Natasha told you that she wanted to help you with your amnesia. She started off asking you basic questions based on your opinions, but you felt weird only answering questions instead of asking so she suggested 21 questions. You don’t know if you ever played 21 questions before, but then again, you didn’t know much about yourself. Your answers to her questions was just as surprising to you as to her.

“Favorite Star Wars movie?” Natasha asked with a smirk. 

Your eyebrows snapped together. “What’s Star Wars?” you wondered, putting down your yogurt.

Natasha’s eyes widened. For a split second, she forgot that you’ve been living under HYDRA’s control your entire life. She’d be surprised if HYDRA let you watch movies and read books like a normal person. Natasha shook her head. “Nevermind that question,” she responded. “I guess we will have to watch Star Wars with your time being here. Steve hasn’t seen it either. Kill two birds with one stone.” Natasha shrugged her shoulders before finishing up her yogurt. She then got up from her seat to clean her dishes.

You bit your lip before asking, “Natasha, why am I here?” You wanted to ask this all morning, but you finally found the courage to do so. Even then, you were asking the back of Natasha and not facing her one-on-one.

Natasha continued her task, not glancing at you when she gave her answer. “I don’t know if I should be the one to tell you, let alone if this is the proper time to do so.”

You nodded in response, even though you knew she couldn’t see it.

“What do you want to do today?” Natasha asked. She didn’t really know what to do with you for she’s never hosted anyone before, at least in this kind of situation.

You answered, “I don’t know. What were you planning on doing?”

“Training,” Natasha responded simply.

Your mouth was left ajar, as you thought of what to say next. You didn’t know what Natasha did as a living, but you knew that training was not part of a usual work schedule.

Natasha must have noticed. She explained, “I’m an agent of some sorts. I have to train daily in order to stay in shape.” Natasha turned to leave the kitchen. “Would you like to join?” she asked. She sounded hesitant when asking, but you shook off the thought and nodded in agreement. You put away your dishes and joined her as she walked down the hall.

* * *

“Hey Y/N,” Clint greeted, shooting an arrow down the shoot range and hitting the moving target perfectly.

“Hi Clint,” you repeated back. It was still weird to hear your name, but it sounded right.

“Ready to start our sparring session Clint?” Nat asked, wrapping her hands.

“Sure thing,” Clint responded before releasing another arrow that hit its mark perfectly without even looking.

Your jaw dropped in awe. Not only is did the arrow perfectly hit the target, but it’s moving and he did it without looking.  _What kind of agents are they?_

Clint and Natasha sparred in the middle of the gym, only breaking a sweat at the one-hour mark. Their fighting was so graceful and coordinated. It was as if they were dancing. Neither one of them won. Whenever one had the upperhand, the fight would continue after a witty one-liner.

When they were done, they were panting with sweat rolling down their forehead, but it was nothing compared to if a regular person did that. They would have been dead from exhaustion.

“Do you want to learn Y/N?” Clint offered, gulping down his bottle of water.

“Sure,” you said enthusiastically, not noticing the glare Natasha was giving to Clint.

“I’ll just teach you the basics,” Clint added, giving Natasha a glance or two.

“Fine with me,” you stated, getting up from where you sat. “What do I have to do?”

For the next hour, Clint taught you the basics of fighting- how to throw the perfect punch, how to defend yourself from certain positions, how to use your size to your advantage, etc. Natasha wondered off to the other side of the gym, beating up a poor, defenseless punching bag. No one would not want to be on the receiving sides of Natasha’s punches. Surprisingly, all the fighting techniques naturally came to you, so Clint felt like you were ready for some light sparring, to go over everything you’ve learned in the past hour.

“Okay,” Clint said. “I’m going to throw a punch at you. Ready?”

You got into the stance Clint taught you and nodded. The punch he threw at you was 10x faster and harder than the ones he threw at you before. It caught you off guard, so you were unable to defend yourself. The punch landed on your right cheek as a sideswipe, efficiently knocking you down…. And knocking you out.

Clint’s eyes widened when he realized what he just did. “Oops,” he murmured. He looked over his shoulder to see a not-so-happy Natasha standing there, but she was just as shocked as he was.

* * *

“Well,” Tony stated, trying to lighten the mood. “At least, we know she isn’t faking it.”

Steve and Natasha gave him an unamused look, while Clint looked down at his hands, feeling guilty  _yet proud_  for knocking you out. Natasha, Tony, Clint, and Steve were in the conference room waiting for Fury. He called an emergency meeting, which usually meant a mission.

“Is she okay?” Steve asked, concerned of your well-being, over so the gentleman.

Natasha quickly answered, “Yeah, she’s fine. She’s in her room right now. She has a bruise on her cheek, but it should clear up fast. She still has her enhanced healing abilities.” Natasha said that last part especially to Clint. He gratefully smiled in return.

“It’s weird, because she still has her enhanced senses as well. Why didn’t her self-defense take over?” Tony asked, leaning back on his chair.

“I don’t know,” Steve answered. Fury walked into the room. Steve quickly added, “We’ll figure it out later.”

“I heard we have a new recruit,” Fury said unamused. “You guys can’t just bring stray in. You guys could have been in danger.” Fury almost sounded concerned, but that quickly altered when he changed the subject. “You guys have a mission. Another HYDRA base has surfaced in the mountains of Latvia.”

A map showed up on the screen, showing the location of the base. Fury continued, “Recent intel shows there is illegal experimentation occurring in the base. We need you to save the hostages. And to ensure that this doesn’t happen in other bases, we need you to take in the main scientists for questioning. Some of the other Avengers will be meeting you there.”

“When are we heading out?” Steve asked, gripping the arms of the chair. His eyes were focused on the map on the main screen.

“Tonight,” Fury simply stated.

“Then, let’s suit up,” Steve demanded. “We leave in two.”


	4. Chapter Four

Sunlight streamed through your bedroom window right into your eyes. You woke up and slowly opened your eyes but instantly regretted it. You turned over to your stomach and tried to go back to sleep, but your body was already fully awake. With a moan, you slowly sat up but was met with a painful headache. 

You held your breath to ease the pain, but it was only temporary solution before you couldn’t hold your breath any longer. You decided to take deep breaths. After a few minutes of just sitting there, you finally talked yourself to getting out of bed. 

You lifted the covers off of you and threw your legs off the edge of the bed. You got out of bed with wobbly legs and walked out of your room towards the common room. You walked down the hallway with your hand rubbing your forehead. 

You were met with an empty common room. You were surprised, because this would be the first time you were left alone besides in the confinement of your own room. You sauntered to the cabinet to grab a glass and filled it with some ice, cold water. The cold sensation relaxed your tense body.

You sipped some more, seeing that it was the only solution you had access to. You started getting a sinking feeling in your chest as your anxiety levels rose. Your body tensed up again, when you realized that you had eyes on you.

You slowly turned around to see a man staring at you. His hair was covering half of his face and his stare was distant and cold. You stared back at him for what felt like minutes when it was actually seconds. 

“They’re gone,” he stated flatly. 

“Who?” you asked, trying to keep your voice calm.

“Steve, Natasha, Tony, and Clint,” he explained. “They’re out on a mission. They’ll be back later tonight.”

You released a breath you didn’t even know you were holding. “Oh,” you said, placing your glass on the kitchen counter. 

“I’m Bucky,” he greeted, still staring at you.

You responded with a smile, “Y/N.”

Bucky huffed his chest in amusement. The corner of his lips quirked up for a split second. 

“What?” you asked.

“That name suits you,” he said. “We’ve met before, but I never knew your name.” He finally takes his stare off of you and gets up from his seat.

“May I ask….” you started. “May I ask who I was before the accident?”

“I don’t know if I’m the one to tell you,” he said.

“I’ve been hearing that a lot,” you stated, leaning on the counter and looking down at your feet. There was a lull in the conversation; it wasn’t comfortable nor awkward. It was just a lull. You continued, “It’s just that… it’s hard to get up everyday and pretend you’re okay when you don’t even know who you are.”

“I get that,” Bucky added, standing next to you. 

You looked up at him with hopeful eyes, but your heart hurt when you saw the pain in his eyes, “Do tell,” you said. 

“I was in your position too, not that long ago,” Bucky explained, leaning back on the counter as well. “I woke up not knowing anything about myself. Memories came every now and then- some of them good, some of them bad. But with every memory that came, I learned more and more about myself… But I never became the same person that left. I had the ability to make anew, to be a better person. Losing all your memories and forgetting yourself and your past… it’s a blessing and a curse”

When he didn’t hear a response, he took it as to go on. His grip on the counter tightened. Bucky continued, “Except mine wasn’t amnesia. It was brainwashing. Those people Steve and the others are fighting right now… When you’re younger, you have a fear of monsters, monsters with four legs and sharp claws. As you grow up, you grow out of that fear, learning there is no such thing. But there are monsters out there. Those people tear lives apart without a blink of an eye. They don’t know the scars and pain they caused.”

Trying to process all that he said, you only said a one-word response. “Who?”

Fortunately, Bucky got at what you were trying to ask. “HYDRA,” he answered. His knuckles were white with the amount of pressure he was gripping onto the counter. 

You hesitantly placed a hand over his and gave it a comforting squeeze. “And yet here you are,” you said. “You managed to survive and come out as a better man, instead of letting vengeance consume you. I hope to be a better person just as you did.”

Bucky turned his head to look down at you. He gave a weak, grateful smile before turning his head back to gaze off into nothing. You two stayed like that for a while, lost in each other’s thoughts. “The ibuprofen is in that cabinet right there,” he informed, gesturing to the cabinet across form where you two stood. 

You looked at him with a shocked expression, wondering how he knew you were dealing with a headache.

“I got them a lot too,” he stated. “You get them when memories start flooding in. I still get them sometimes, but I learned to push through.”

“Thank you Bucky,” you said with a smile.


	5. Chapter Five

The team returned from the mission later that day with just a few cuts and bruises, much to your relief. They must have acquired what they sent out for, because when they arrived, Tony went straight to his lab to examine his findings. Right now, you were hesitantly walking down the dark hall to the lab, wanting some answers to your numerous questions. **  
**

When you entered the lab, the room was brightly lit with multiple screens up and technology way beyond your knowledge. Tony had his back facing you, hunched over a device. Not wanting to scare him, you gently called out his name.

Tony turned in his chair with an annoyed look, but once he saw it was you, his facial expression softened. “Hey sweetheart,” Tony responded with a smile before returning to his work. “What are you doing here?”

You walked over to him and took the seat next to him to see he was analyzing some type of liquid. Getting straight to the point, you asked, “Why am I here Tony?” Tony straightened upright, giving you a face that was hard to read. You explained, “No one is telling me, and I thought that out of everyone on the team, you would be most likely to give me an answer.”

Tony huffed in concentration, choosing his words wisely. “You’re here, because you’re still recovering from your accident.”

“But why me?” you questioned curiously. “I mean, I can’t be the only random civilian who got injured.”

Tony looked away from your gaze at your choice of words. Truth is, you weren’t just a random civilian. No, you were far from that. “You’re right,” Tony informed. “But you aren’t just a random civilian. You’re something special.”

“What do you mean by that?” you asked, still prodding to get some answers. You knew Tony was holding back his words, but you were determined to get some understanding before leaving it alone.

The screen flashed the words ‘Match’ on the screen. Tony immediately turned to the screen, tapping on his tablet at his new discovery, your question long forgotten. “What is that?” you asked, looking down at the liquid in the small test tube.

“It’s something we found during our mission,” Tony informed, not taking his eyes off the screen.

“Your mission against HYDRA?” you asked quietly.

Tony jerked his head to your direction with wide-eyes. “Bucky told me,” you explained. “That’s really all he told me, but it’s the most anyone’s told me since I got here.”

Tony didn’t respond to your statement, only going back to his work. You wondered aloud, “Do you think they are the cause of my accident?”

Tony put the tablet down on the table with a sigh before turning to you. You sat up right, thinking he will finally let you in on some information. “Y/N. You see this liquid I’m analyzing?” he said, raising the tube to eye level. You nodded in response. “HYDRA is using this for illegal experimentation to create mutants. I don’t know if they are successful with this. That’s for me to find out…”

“And you think that I was one of the test subjects,” you finished his thought aloud, your eyes falling to the ground.

“I know you were one of them,” Tony stated. Your eyes snapped up to his. You finally got the answers you needed, though they weren’t what you expected. What you didn’t know was that it wasn’t the whole truth. Tony didn’t lie. You were tested on, but he didn’t tell you that it was successful with you and you became an asset of theirs. No, he withheld that information for the safety of the team and the safety of you.

* * *

_The room you were held in was dim-lighted. The smell of mold and metal wafted in the air, making it twice as hard to breath. It was quiet, the only sound coming from boots stomping on the floors above you and doors being opened and closed. Your vision was very hazy as if you just wakened up._

_With what little strength you had, you looked down at your arm to see an IV attached to your wrist. You must have been given some anesthesia, which would explain why you were so groggy. Your face scrunched up in confusion when you noticed that you were in a 14-year-old body._

_A figure appeared from behind you. Your eyes widened in surprise and your heart skipped a beat. You realized you were paralyzed, as you couldn’t move your arms or legs. You tried to ask him what he wanted from you, but nothing came out. You watched the man replace your IV bags. The liquid kind of looked like the same liquid Tony was analyzing._

_Tony…. Wait. When did I get here? Where am I? Where’s Tony?_

_All of a sudden, your body was filled with intense pain as if a fire was set throughout your body. A silent scream ripped from your throat as the pain intensified. You tried to rip the IV from your wrist, but your body did nothing in response, still paralyzed. You watched your body stay dead still as you had no control over it. Tears started to blur out your vision as the pain became too intense for consciousness._

_You tried to scream again, but nothing came out. You started to drift into unconsciousness and welcomed it- anything to relieve you from the pain. You were almost asleep, but your bed started to be shaken as if an earthquake was happening. Your breathing hitched and came out as a choked sob as the pain continued._

_The room was slowly began to blur out, but it wasn’t because of tears or unconsciousness. Your eyes frantically looked around as the scene began to face out._

* * *

“Y/N!” you heard someone call out. You gasped as you woke up from your dream state. Tears stained your cheeks and your body was shaking. You looked around to see you weren’t in that room anymore, and you were in your present body now. Your eyes immediately turned to see Steve sitting next to you with a concerned look on his face and his hands on your shoulders.

You started sobbing when you realized you were safe now and it was just a nightmare. Steve pulled you into a hug as you pulled your knees to your chest.

“It’s okay Y/N,” Steve coaxed, rubbing your lower back in comfort. “It was just a nightmare. You’re safe.” He repeated his words and actions until your breathing returned to normal. “It’s okay Y/N,” Steve coaxed, rubbing your lower back in comfort. “It was just a nightmare. You’re safe.”

_But was it a nightmare? Or was it a memory?_


	6. Chapter Six

“What are we watching?” you asked, plopping onto the couch next to Clint. **  
**

Without taking his eyes off the screen, he answered, “How I Met Your Mother.”

You nodded at his answer, even though you had no idea what ‘How I Met Your Mother’ was. Natasha must have noticed, because she explained the show to you. “It’s a TV show about a group of friends- kinda like a romcom.”

You nodded again, your eyes glazing over in confusion.

“Romantic comedy,” she added with a smirk

“Got it,” you said unsurely. You tried to focus your gaze back to the screen, but you didn’t get the references the TV show was inferring. You just smiled when everyone laughed, not noticing Tony’s gaze on you.

“Dang,” Tony observed, his arms slung over the couch and his feet resting on the table. “You are more clueless than Cap and Winter over here.”

“Tony,” Steve reprimanded, his shoulders sagging a bit. Bucky just sat in silence, not wanting to contribute into the conversation.

“What?” Tony asked cluelessly.

You smiled at the two of them for they were just trying to ease you into your situation. “It’s fine, Tony. It just means that I have to watch a lot of movies and TV shows to catch up, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing.”

“I have to agree with Y/N,” Natasha added. “Watching movies is my favorite pastime. Sometimes, I wish I can rewatch a movie as if it were my first time.”

“Well then,” you said, leaning back onto the couch. “I hope you can help catch me up.”

“I’ll be glad to,” Natasha responded with a half-smile. “I can kill two birds with one stone if Steve and Bucky join us.”

“I’m hungry,” Tony stated, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “Let’s order in some food.”

“What are we having tonight?” Natasha asked, her eyes focused back onto the TV. “Thai?”

“Pizza?” Clint suggested enthusiastically, finally taking his eyes off the screen.

Steve asked politely, “What do you feel like eating Y/N?”

“I,” you started, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. “I don’t know. Is it weird that I don’t remember much about food?” The team’s eyes lowered in sorrow, knowing that you probably didn’t have an array of food in the diet HYDRA provided. “What’s… pizza?”

“YOU’VE NEVER HAD PIZZA!” Clint shouted shockedly.

You shook your head, kinda embarrassed with all eyes on you.

“That’s it,” Tony stated flatly. “We’re having pizza tonight. JARVIS?”

“Your usual order has been already placed, sir,” the AI announced.

* * *

The smell of pizza was in the air, and it made your mouth water. When the pizza was revealed, you couldn’t help but hum in satisfaction. “How do you eat it?” you wondered aloud, watching them take a slice without a plate of fork.

Clint chuckled, shaking his head. “You are something else kid.” He took a bite out of his pizza as you observed the pizza in your hands. “It’s finger food. You eat it with your hands. No fork or plate needed. Just take a bite.”

You looked at the pizza for a few more seconds, trying to figure out what it was. Hesitantly, you slowly took a bite, your eyes fluttering close and a low moan involuntarily slipping your lips.

The others laughed at your reaction, while your cheeks reddened in embarrassment. But you didn’t care as you continued to chew your pizza and swallow. “I think I’m in love,” you uttered quietly before taking another huge bite.

“No way,” Clint stated, talking with his mouth full. “I saw her first. Pizza is my mistress.”

“Guess we’ll have to take turns on who eats her out,” you said, not really thinking on what you were saying.

Tony did a spit-take of his drink before bursting out in controllable laughter. Everyone joined in on the laughter while you tried to figure out what was so funny. Natasha was hunched over in laughter, clutching her stomach- not being able to explain.

“What did I say?” you asked innocently, eyebrows snapping together.

“Nothing,” Clint sputtered through his laughter, his hand falling to his stomach as he leaned back on the couch.

Bucky stated with a hand on your shoulder, “I’ll tell you when you’re older.” He was the only one composed enough to talk, while the others were hysteric with laughter.

You looked at him with narrow eyes before shrugging and taking another bite of pizza.


	7. Chapter Seven

You gasped for air as you woke up in a cold sweat. You sat upright, trying to catch your breath. Sweat dampened your forehead and tank top, and your mind felt like it was going to explode. You woke up to yet another nightmare, but this time, it was different. You already had suspicions that these nightmares weren’t just dreams, but now, you  _knew_  they weren’t.

Memories began flooding into your brain, and you shut your eyes to try and focus on them. Some of the memories were fleeting, coming and going in a second’s time. But the important ones that shaped you into becoming a HYDRA asset stayed. Every suspicious action and conversation the Avengers had were now making sense. You weren’t in danger of a threat; you were the threat.

Tears formed in your eyes as confusion and guilt settled into your bones. What were you going to do? The smart choice would be coming clean to the Avengers, but you didn’t want to lose them. In just a week’s time, they became your friends- your only friends. And you really cared about them. No one has ever shown such kindness and friendship to you, and you didn’t want to lose that because of your past. You now had two identities- the one before the accident,  _a mindless assassin who was raised to hate the Avengers_ , and the one after the accident,  _a lost girl who has gotten really fond of the Avengers_.

Steve abruptly opened your door and ran to your side. He cupped your cheek as you continued to stare forward, refusing to meet his eye. “It’s okay, Y/N,” Steve comforted, rubbing his thumb across your cheek. “You’re okay.”

You slowly turned your head to Steve. You had to fight your instincts and entire life’s training not to attack Steve, because it was drilled into your brain. But when your eyes met his, that need slowly faded and all you wanted was to be encased in his arms. “Steve,” you breathed out.

“I’m right here,” Steve stated softly, pulling you into his arms. You closed your eyes and nuzzled your head into his chest. You knew it was selfish, but you decided to keep your recovered memories a secret. You didn’t want to go back to HYDRA when the Avengers were so nice and welcomed you with open arms.

You doubt that the Avengers would be so welcoming if they knew you were back to your HYDRA assassin self. “Please don’t leave me,” you said in a whispered tone.

“Never,” Steve responded. You finally succumbed into your emotions and broke into tears, letting guilt, regret, and sadness take over. Steve comforted you, whispering silent nothings, but it only had you cry more. You didn’t want to leave. You wanted to be Y/N, the girl the Avengers and you have come to learn and love. Only the past stood in your way.

* * *

You were sitting quietly in the corner as Director Fury was briefing the team for the upcoming mission. For some reason, he had insisted on you being there as well. So, you sat in a chair, your (e/c) flitting around the room, gazing at the team.

“We have it on good authority that there is another HYDRA base at this location. Your job is the same as always. Get in, gather all the intel you can, rescue any civilians and destroy the base,” Fury’s voice droned on and on and you began to zone out. That is, until he said your name.

You jumped a little at the sudden sound and gazed up at him sheepishly. “Sorry, what?”

He sighed and swore under his breath. “I said, the whole team is needed on this one, which mean no one will be able to babysit you.”

You glared at the man. He didn’t trust you and, while you couldn’t blame him, it still got under your skin. “I don’t need a babysitter,” you replied through gritted teeth.

“Right…You’re going with them.”

You quirked a brow at him. Why on earth would he want you to go with the team if he didn’t trust you?

As if reading your mind, Fury said, “Don’t get too excited. You’re staying in the jet where Banner or the pilot can watch you.”

You crossed your arms over your chest and sulked like a petulant child. The expressions of the team ranged from pity to distrust.  _This was going to be hell…_

* * *

You watched from the quinjet as the team you had come to know became hopelessly outnumbered. You decided that you couldn’t sit back and do nothing. You had to help them, even if it meant losing what little faith they had in you and even if it meant dying for them. You quickly hopped out of the jet and sprinted toward the fray. Ignoring the cries of the Avengers telling you to get back, you dove passed Natasha, sliding on the ground like a baseball player.

Your legs took out one of the HYDRA agents. You quickly scrambled up and landed a punch square to his jaw. You grabbed his gun and shot a couple more agents. Another came running toward and you pulled the trigger again, this time to no avail. Out of ammo. You swore under your breath and lunged at the approaching agent.

You did a kick to his gut before grabbing his arm and using his own weight to throw him over your shoulder and into another agent. You were surrounded far too quickly for your liking, but you did your best as you threw punch after punch. You kicked and twirled and threw men into one another. To anyone else, it would have looked like a wonderfully choreographed dance, but to you, it was survival. Not just for you, but for those that you’d come to call friends.

“Y/N!” Bucky’s voice called out. You turned to see a giant of a man hurdling toward you. You swallowed thickly and used every ounce of strength you had. You swung yourself up onto his shoulders and wrapped your legs around his throat. You looked up and gave Natasha a wink. It was her signature move after all.

As the large man began to lose consciousness, he fell to the ground quickly. Before you hit the ground, you threw yourself forward and rolled. Then you stood and brushed yourself off. The Avengers all wore similar masks of shock and awe. “What?” you asked with a shrug.

Tony’s helmet withdrew, revealing his furrowed brows and opened mouth. “JARVIS?” he uttered, not removing his stare off of you.

“It’s seems that Y/N has her memories back,” JARVIS voice rang out through Tony’s speaker in his suit.

“How long?” Bucky asked, his face hardened with a poker face.

“Two days,” you answered, moving your focus to Steve. “Since my last nightmare.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Steve wondered aloud, standing with his intimidating Captain posture.

“Because…,” you started, your sentence drifting off in thought. Honestly, you didn’t know either. For the past couple of days, you were figuring it out yourself. It would have been better for everyone if you just told them the second it happened. But you let fear overcome your reasoning.

“Because I didn’t want to lose you guys,” you muttered, eyes focused on the ground beneath you. A sinking feeling settled in your stomach as you waited for their response, but you refused to look up at them to see disappointment and hatred in their eyes.

“You’ll never lose us Y/N,” Natasha stated gently. Your head popped up in confusion. Her voice was so gentle and calm unlike her usual cold, sarcastic tone.

“I don’t deserve forgiveness though,” you said, tears forming in your eyes. “I was born and raised to be a monster. You don’t know what I’ve done in the hands of HYDRA. And the worst part was that I never tried to stop them. I obeyed every order they gave me.”

“You didn’t know what you were doing,” Steve reminded, his stance slowly loosening.

“I still did it,” you responded.

Your eyebrows snapped together when you heard a chuckle from Bucky. “Sounds familiar Steve?” he said aloud. His eyes turned towards you, giving you the slightest bit of hope. “Y/N, the Avengers is a place for second chance. None of us have clean slates. We all were led to the wrong path in some point of our lives. Your past doesn’t matter. It’s who you chose to be in the future that counts.”

“Okay, Steve Maraboli,” Tony joked, taking a look at his surroundings. Tony was not fond of serious moments and often joked his way out of things like this. It’s one of the many reasons why you’ve come to love him. “We should head out. We still are in HYDRA territory.”

“Come on peanut,” Clint said with a smile, lifting an arm in a welcoming hug. “Let’s go home.”

You walked into his side hug and wrapped your arms around his waist, enjoying his embrace. “Can we have pizza tonight?” The team was walking back towards the jet.

Clint’s smile dropped. He said in a very serious tone, “This is why I love you the most Y/N.”

You couldn’t help but chuckle at his seriousness. When the quinjet took off, you couldn’t help but think how this was all one big metaphor. You were leaving your past and flying to your future with the people you love. You were where you were meant to be.


End file.
